The Big Deal.

Some people may know, some people may not, but I have an unhealthy obsession with a woman…that woman is Ana Matronic (from the Scissor Sisters). Since I first saw the Scissor Sisters, this woman spoke to me. Bearing in mind, I was still coming to terms with my sexuality, and my mother would listen to them all the time, specifically ‘Take Your Mama”.

I never really know why she spoke to me though. She just did. She was beautiful, she seemed so down to earth, and she was just ‘the odd one out’ so to speak. She was a straight woman, albeit, one that has been immersed in gay culture for a long time, in a band made up of queer men. I remember going to see them for my first ever concert at the Ta Dah World Tour in Manchester, and even on stage she put a spell on me.

Randomly, we have had very brief Twitter conversations, only lasting a few tweets, but they have brightened my life because she is an idol and she actually replied! And life has gone on like this for some time. I’m talking years, and my obsession has never faded, not one piece.

So imagine my joy that she was coming to Hull during our LGBT50 week at the end of July, to present ‘I Feel Love’. I was determined to get tickets, and after an hour, I had got them, for just £10. I mean, this £10 got me to see Bright Light Bright Light, Marc Almond, Alison Moyet, Will Young, and Ana Matronic! The moment I realised she was on the stage behind me, I lost my shit. I was so utterly excited, I wouldn’t contain myself. I was squealing, shaking, generally looking like the weird stalker of this woman I am. This behaviour didn’t stop either; and whilst my friends encouraged me to try and get a selfie with her, I couldn’t. I was just too much of a fangirl in that moment to do it.

It was my mother who shoved me towards Ana to get the selfie that actually means so much to me, and why I was making such a big deal about it:

IMG_1756

And it’s only been after this selfie that I have realised why my obsession with this woman is so strong. When I was trying to deal with my sexuality, it became a novelty to my friends, I was that “gay friend” and it felt a bit like I was just being paraded around like that, and this woman, she was what I wanted in my life. Someone, so friendly, so welcoming, and such an ally. She was the first true ally to the gay community I really knew. If we are honest, many stars, whilst they’ll stand and fight for us, it’s usually just a fashion statement, or because their fan base is well over 50% LGBTQ, but not Ana. She’s been in this community for a long time, she has lived with us, she is us, and that’s why she is so magical to me.

Whilst I love my friends and family, none of them are perhaps the biggest allies to the cause because they just don’t understand it. They’ve lived with me, but I feel like I am often an exception to the rule – I haven’t particularly been bullied, or not to a horrific extent anyway, and I rarely hear any homophobic slurs thrown at me, so there’s never been anything to defend. As I came out, the laws were changed for civil partnerships, and that has progressed nicely, and so perhaps those around me have just missed out on the chances to be good allies.

Ana Matronic however, is definitely that one person I look up to, that I hold in high esteem in the celebrity world, and that’s why, one blurry, selfie with a flower in my face, meant so much to me. And, lemme just say, she was so lovely about it all when I said thank you for the picture.

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