I am completely quoting the one and only Kim Chi here, but it’s because I like the phrase, and it’s fairly relevant to what I have to say today.
For a long time now, I have stood by the viewpoint that many in the LGBTQ community are ones who preach unity and equality for all, but are often the ones who do not practice it. It’s a shame really, because as the old adage goes: “united we stand, divided we fall”. I am perhaps just speaking from bad experiences though. I have no delusions about my own stance in the local scene, as someone too outspoken, and not particularly caring what other’s think of me, as long as I feel good about myself, my world is right.
I mostly enjoy living this way, and gives me a unique perspective of others, as I don’t belong to any local group of gay friends, I select those who I am comfortable with, and who I know are supportive of me, rather than deluding myself that this mass of gay around me are good for me. It also gives me the chance to not effect anyone else’s friendships with other people.
I say that because I know that people have opinions of me, and they can say what they like, I live my life for me these days, and I suppose when I’m single I always have. I have no obligations or responsibilities to anyone else, so if someone wants to come for me, they can, it doesn’t bother me. Well, to say that is perhaps a lie, because it just builds into this whole ideal that we are divided.
You see, whether or not you like someone, if you have a common goal, then you should at least put issues aside and work together. There are plenty of people I do not like, but at the end of the day they are my brother, or my sister in this community and I’ll stand with them when I need to, no matter what has been said about me.
Recently, someone started talking to me who had previously joined forces with a clique that spread some pretty hefty rumours around. Instead of ignoring them, I spoke to them. I have very little intention to make them a friend, but talking doesn’t hurt. Talking to people is helpful, and builds a sense of community. More than anything, my hope, albeit a possible pipe dream, is to have this good sense of community that seriously lacks around here – and most other gay scenes I have experienced.
It has got to the point though, that I am asked to work on various projects and I have to seriously think about my involvement, and how much potential there is to cause drama. I don’t mind rocking the boat, but I don’t want to capsize it. In the end, I choose to stay hidden and away from various projects, unless I can remain completely anonymous, because half the time I think that is best.
I suppose I have ventured a little bit off topic here, but the meaning behind it is still there. We shouldn’t come for one another just because we may not like one another. Providing a united front is important, and creating a sense of a welcoming community is paramount to the future of our community. Breaking away, making people feel unwelcome is not the right thing to do. We are together in this, what effects you, effects me, and I am happy to fight alongside you, regardless of what has been said or even done. There seems to be this tendency to slip into a pattern of being stereotypically bitchy. Break the mould.
We can all have a bitch as good as the next person, but we shouldn’t care what has been said. We should still feel able to welcome anyone, and be nice to anyone we encounter. Creating a sense of togetherness means that when the times come and we have to stand side by side, we are there and it’s all coming from the same place rather than infighting about this and that and the other.
My message today is perhaps convoluted and bogged down in my previous stories but: do not come for someone just because. I know some people genuinely don’t like each other or have reason to, but just because X doesn’t like Y, doesn’t mean that A, B and C have to hate on them too. Live and let live.