You may have noticed that over the last month, I’ve not really been around to blog. I’ve tweeted, I’ve instagrammed, I’ve done bits and pieces online, but I’ve not blogged. There has been a reason for this, and here is where I lay it all down.
You see, I went through a break up. It wasn’t particularly messy, but it wasn’t particularly straight forward because there were lots of raw emotions, and situations that should have been avoided. In that first week following it, I ate three meals, two of which I vomitted back up, and over 7 days I must have had no more than 8 hours sleep throughout the whole week. By the time Friday came about, I was really rock bottom, at the edge of something stupid and experienced my darkest day in a very long time. The subsequent weeks since then have seen me attempt to be utterly positive, conquer impending anxiety attacks, and I’ve really bounced back.
I’ve come out of the other side.
There’s a lot to be learned in the darkness, but you’ve got to look for what there is to be learned. For me, it is that even when you love someone unconditionally, it doesn’t mean it’s the best person to keep chasing after. Sometimes, you have to realise you must walk away, despite empty promises being made. The loneliness can be crushing, but eventually that pain will pass, you’ll find your happiness again. You will find the motivation to get up each morning, to pursue your own goals over everything else. You’ll get your life back in order and in the end, everything will be alright.
So, what’s changed for me? I have a new car, a new phone, I have sorted out two massive financial worries for myself. I have sent off for my replacement passport, I have made vague plans for travel. I have lost weight, found the motivation to eat right, and I have begun to meet new people, as well as reconnect with old friends. I have made plans for my upcoming birthday, as well as some plans for my impending 30th (in 2018), and now I’m back here, ready to impart more of my vital life knowledge to a small audience, all whilst crafting my new grey haired, soon to be inked up new look.
What I have found about myself though, is that even though I can be plagued by negativity throughout my swinging moods, I can actually always find the positives to focus my mind on. I’ve taken every comment made about me to heart, and evaluated it to realise that half of it isn’t true and half of it is something I can change. I may act reckless, I may do my utmost to have fun, or achieve my goals, but I will always, always be me, just different facets of the same person. The one who can go out, get drunk and party, and the one who can stay in, cook a meal and enjoy a movie. The one who will sometimes let go of control, and the one who will sometimes want to be in control. My life restarts now. No romance, no ties, and definitely nothing to drag me down. Just a life where anything can happen, so long as I get to walk my own path.